It's Monday - anyone need a joke?

Irish Viagra (sent to me by a friend today)...just the joke, not the Viagra...it is still March, you know, that's why this is in green...


An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his help in reviving her husband's libido

"What about trying viagra?" asks the doctor. "Not a chance, she said. He won't even take an aspirin."

"Not a problem", replied the doctor . Give him an "Irish Viagra. It's when you drop the Viagra into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."

It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!"

"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.

"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his ey, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, took me passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"

"Why so terrible, asked the doctor, do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?"

"Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!"

Holiday Funny for Saturday

Holiday Funny for Thursday

Quilt update: finished, and shipped to Minnesota! Can't post a finished photo yet-not until Christmas!

Holiday Funny for Tuesday

Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired. Mrs. Fenton insists
that he go with
her to Walmart. He gets bored with all the
shopping. He prefers
to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves
to browse. Here's a letter sent to her
from the store.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six
months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of
you from our
stores if it continues. We have documented all
incidents on our video
surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr.
Fenton
are listed below.

Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while
his spouse was shopping in Walmart:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes
of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts
when
they
weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks
in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made
a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
restrooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in

an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares and
watched what
happened.

5. Aug 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put
a
bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. Sept 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET
FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Sept 15: Set up a tent in
the camping department and told other shoppers he'd
invite
them in
if they'll bring pillows from the
bedding department.

8. Sept
23: When a clerk asks if he or she can help him, he
begins to cry and
asks, 'Why
can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Oct 4:
Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
mirror, and picked
his nose.

10. Nov 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, asked the clerk if he knows where
to find
the antidepressants.

11. Dec 3: Darted around the
store suspiciously loudly humming the
"Mission Impossible"
theme.

12. Dec 6: In the auto department, practiced
his "Madonna look" using different size
funnels.

13. Dec
18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse
through, yelled
"PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. Dec 21: When an announcement came
over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal
position
and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

And last, but
not least ...

15. Dec 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the
door waited
awhile, then yelled very loudly, "There's no toilet
paper in
here!"

Holiday Funny for Sunday

Remember the "Hair Gel" scene...

from the movie that Ben Stiller and Cameron Diaz were in?

If you, like me, are involved in a church community, but appreciate humor that pokes fun at religion once in awhile, check out this site: Ship of Fools

I really needed a good laugh today - how about you?

Something new

I just can't resist ~ Heidi will now be pulling my name out of her bag! But, alas, she'll probably "Auf" me right away, because I'm not really a Project Runway designer (see below) ~







I've gone back to work at Jo-Ann Fabrics, two nights a week - no fabric department manager this time, just a fantastic team member, providing our guests with fantastic fabric cutting and register ringing ~

A few weeks ago, my husband and I were discussing extra income, and I told him there was no way in h _ _ _ that I would ever go back to retail. The next day I went into the store to have some fabric cut, and the team manager and operations mananger were talking to themselves, and then looking at me. "Would you be interested in some part-time work here, nights?" ~~~
I thought about it for a few days, and decided to go for it. The only challenge - not spending a whole paycheck there, just a small amount of it.

CONFESSION HERE: I detest the word 'disciplined,' so I will just say that I'm already 'appreciating' the time I have in my studio a lot more.

From my sister! A good one ~

Subject: Raising Boys
a) For those who have grown children - this is totally hysterical!
b) For those who have children past this age, this is hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas: Things I've Learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft.house, 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though in TV shows they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that smell is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brakefluid.
(sorry guys, I didn't write it...)