Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Holiday Funny for Tuesday

Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired. Mrs. Fenton insists
that he go with
her to Walmart. He gets bored with all the
shopping. He prefers
to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves
to browse. Here's a letter sent to her
from the store.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six
months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of
you from our
stores if it continues. We have documented all
incidents on our video
surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr.
are listed below.

Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while
his spouse was shopping in Walmart:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes
of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts
weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks
in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made
a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in

an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares and
watched what

5. Aug 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put
bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. Sept 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET
FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Sept 15: Set up a tent in
the camping department and told other shoppers he'd
them in
if they'll bring pillows from the
bedding department.

8. Sept
23: When a clerk asks if he or she can help him, he
begins to cry and
asks, 'Why
can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Oct 4:
Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
mirror, and picked
his nose.

10. Nov 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, asked the clerk if he knows where
to find
the antidepressants.

11. Dec 3: Darted around the
store suspiciously loudly humming the
"Mission Impossible"

12. Dec 6: In the auto department, practiced
his "Madonna look" using different size

13. Dec
18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse
through, yelled

14. Dec 21: When an announcement came
over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal
and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

And last, but
not least ...

15. Dec 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the
door waited
awhile, then yelled very loudly, "There's no toilet
paper in


LoieJ said...

This is so funny...I love it. I hate Walmart, but I go there because they have driven out my choices. A conspiracy. I saw on a TV documentary on Frontline, a PBS program, that they can mark up American goods 20% but they can mark up Chinese goods 80%.

Anonymous said...

Thank-you for the laught! Great funny.