Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired. Mrs. Fenton insists
that he go with
her to Walmart. He gets bored with all the
shopping. He prefers
to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves
to browse. Here's a letter sent to her
from the store.
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six
months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of
you from our
stores if it continues. We have documented all
incidents on our video
surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr.
are listed below.
Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while
his spouse was shopping in Walmart:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes
of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks
in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made
a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in
an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares and
5. Aug 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put
bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. Sept 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET
FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Sept 15: Set up a tent in
the camping department and told other shoppers he'd
if they'll bring pillows from the
23: When a clerk asks if he or she can help him, he
begins to cry and
can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. Oct 4:
Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
mirror, and picked
10. Nov 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, asked the clerk if he knows where
11. Dec 3: Darted around the
store suspiciously loudly humming the
12. Dec 6: In the auto department, practiced
his "Madonna look" using different size
18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse
"PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. Dec 21: When an announcement came
over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal
and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
And last, but
not least ...
15. Dec 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the
awhile, then yelled very loudly, "There's no toilet